I have done lots of things that people thought I could never do. I have also dreamed of doing things that others thought I could never do. I believe in goals. I won’t set a goal that is not attainable. It may need lots of training, direction and effort to get there but certainly reachable. And most days I do believe in myself. Age doesn’t matter to me. I know I am older. But I believe what my body has the ability to do. What younger people do or don’t do has ZERO bearing on what I believe I can do.
Doubt. Creeped into that little brain of mine. It started this week after taking 3 weeks off due to PF. Then someone showed me times of what younger people are running. Hmmmm And what does that have to do with me and doubt? It kinda hit home. The training runs this week have been tough. I have made them all just at a conversational pace. That is all my body has to offer at this moment. So that has my already fragile mental state even more shaken. Doubt in my abilities has seeped into my cranium. I don’t think that I doubt that I can reach certain time goals that I put in front of me. I believe I don’t have the discipline or direction to reach them. I need help. I never look at my age. I feel my body. I feel where I am. I think that I am only a beginner and this is only my foundation being poured to support what is to be built in the future. But I am neither an architech or a builder. I am just the pieces that need to be assembled. I need direction.
So when it was shown to me that my goals are very ambitious and are what those in the thirties are doing it increased the self doubt that I have currently. It made me think “am I fooling myself?” I am inexperienced. I don’t fully understand the whole concept of proper training. At times I lack motivation. I lack direction. The one thing I do believe is I possess talent and ability.
Right now though, I am filled with doubt and struggling to decided how to proceed forward.
Oh and I suck at blogging. This blog has ZERO direction. No regular time schedule and no audience!
But I do have kinda cool socks.
Till we meet again. Good Day.